Last Days in Hanoi and Vietnam

Well Steph and my last days in Vietnam were some what of a strain. I think I had got to the end of my Vietnamese tether. I think that all the aggression in Hanoi and the trouble we had there, wore me down and I was happy to get to the end of my time in Vietnam.
On the last day Steph and I had a little sleep in then headed out for some hole in the wall style food, a bit of shopping and a general good day about town. All started well enough. We got out of bed. When we arrived at our usual noodle lady, she seemed a little grumpy. We took this in our stride and not personally. After a good fed on her fantastic noodles, soup, rissoles and greens, Steph and I headed out for a shop. Apart from the usual moto taxi shouts and taunts all was good. We even got a few bargains at the markets.
We stopped off for a sweet treat at Chocolate and Beguette, even though Steph's belly was still a little "sensative"(it had been the whole time she was there poor love) and all seemed to be going well.
We dropped by the hotel to put our shopping in the room and this is where it all went down hill! They said the hotel was full and over booked and I had to move. Even though I had booked this room 4 days before hand and had already been there one night. I was told I had the option of moving but the way it was put there seemed to be no option at all. I said No, I was going to stay put considering Steph was leaving that afternoon and I the next day. All good so we went up to the room so Steph could go to the loo (tummy again) and we could leave our shopping there. I get a phone call from reception saying the manager wanted to talk to me. I was put through to some drone who said I had to leave and kept repeating NO every time I said I had booked the hotel and I was not leaving. Finally he said I had two minutes to leave and hung up on me. Well you could see how I would be overly impressed with this and I stormed down stairs. Not before telling Steph the whole heated story.
When I arrived in reception demanding to talk to the manager or the person who just hung up on me they all stared at me as though I was a lunatic. So much for saving face. I was ropeable. The receptionist said that it was some staff member pretending to be the manager and she didn't know why he wanted to talk with me. That he was uneducated when dealing with customers and she was sorry. Still fuming I wanted to talk with the actual manager and sort this out. The poor fella was unaware of what was going on and was embarrassed that his staff was acting like this. So I got to stay.
Still red under the collar Steph and I were back on the streets and looking for the last of our nick nacks. We went to the lake to take a few photos and this is always a bad mistake. There are so many people trying to sell you things it's maddening. Some old woman, as cute as she was, was grabbing at my fat bits and making some kind of comment. This only aggravated me more. Don't they understand how rude this is? I am not Buddha and my tummy when rubbed is not good luck. It's more likely to end in disaster than luck. Commenting on someone's "size" blatenly being rude is not socially aceptable anywhere. I'm amazed I haven't developed an eating disorder! Or a self respect issue. So this set the tone for the whole afternoon. It was going to end in tears soon if we didn't head back to the hotel soon. So on the way back we witnessed a man being beaten by another and no one helping him out. Not until the guy stomped on his head and I yelled out did a security guy butt in. It would have been me otherwise and look out Mr. I was in the right mood for a fisty cuff and his right hook was nothing compared to mine!

Taxi drivers and the mentally insane

I swear to god, to be a taxi driver in Asia you pretty much have to have just been released from a mental institution. You need to look as though you are a mentally sound person but secretly you are one step away from a serial killer. Dress as though you would imagine any regular person and be well groomed. Be fluent in hand gestures and a little English to be able to agree on a price and look as though you are satisfied with the deal.
After all passengers are arranged in the vehicle proceed to drive the length, breadth and width of the country. All whilst the meter is on, even though you had previously agreed to a price. When passengers kick up a stink because they realize you are taking them arse about town, scream at the top of your lungs, NO, NO, NO! This is where you should start twitching like a maniac and becoming slightly aggressive.
Finally when you reach the destination and passengers only pay the agreed price, get out of the taxi and yell like previously mentioned. If this has no result try to grab the smallest person there (Steph) in the hope that physical aggression will scare the crappers out of passengers and they will front up some more cash. But
be aware there possibly may be people who are more than likely to be just as aggressive back (Me). In the end you have to learn to just give up like a spoilt kid and get back in your taxi, pout and try to rip off the next tourist.
Luckily we were also traveling with the Dutch couple we met in Ha Long Bay. They were 3 times taller than Steph and I and they were able to handle the situation. Otherwise I may have exploded by this stage...I may be close to a little episode of a mild aggressive outburst soon if I come across anymore crazy Asian behavior

Sapa

After our little hotel fiasco Steph and I had a 3 night, 2 day trip to Sapa. It's in the Hill Tribe area of North West Vietnam. We had a hard sleeper on the night train. When we arrived at the train station (after having one of the fastest, craziest motorbike rides ever!) a man showed us the way to our carriage. On arrival to our sleeper he stood there and demanded 4 dollars for his services. I gave him 10 thousand Dong and told him to piss off. We never agreed to a price and as far as I knew he worked at the station. Settled into our sleeper, all 5 of us, a strange little Vietnamese man appeared at our door. Or well I thought he was strange. Think I've been away too long and am a bit jaded. He stood in the door way staring in, not saying a word. So I blocked the door way and turned my back on him. Finally I realized the poor lad was holding a ticket and the last sleeper in our room was his....Whoops! He was actually quite sweet. I'm just a bitch.
I'll tell you. A hard sleeper is a hard sleeper. There is only a thin mattress between you and a slab of metal. My poor hips were digging into the metal and my arm went to sleep in the little space we had to lie. I slept a little before we arrived at 6 am. We were cattled on to a bus and whizzed up a hill to the top of Sapa. When we got out of the bus we were instantly greeted by a small tribe of Black Moung Kids that befriended us. After breakfast a shower and a debriefing we set off for our two day hike....With much protest from Steph.
The kids came along with us as we were walking to their village. See, their motivation was the sale of handy craft. It is hard to resist these little faces, big brown eyes and little creased eye brows. "Please buy from me" is the byline and we heard it all trip from every person we met..Young or old!
We stopped at the first Village for lunch and were harassed by a few people whilst we tried to eat. But try to take a photo of these guys in their traditional dress and they charge you a fee. I just refused to pay.
We eventually stopped at our home stay in the Zay Village and met Grandad. A 98 year old man who is bent over at the waist, but a face of great character. Our little group, a French couple, a Belgium couple and myself and Steph, all headed for a swim in the river. I didn't bring my swimmers so I opted for playing games with the kids on the river banks. I tried to teach them to juggle whilst they tried to teach me to play pick up sticks. My hand eye co ordination aint what it use to be.
After a swim we returned to our homestay and the ladies returned in the hope that we would buy some of their goods. As a joke one of the ladies and I some how ended up being married to each other and I was now her wife! ?? This was good though because I was off the hook with having to buy anything... After all this excitement we helped to make spring rolls for dinner. It was really funny seeing us all squatted around a table in a provincial kitchen attempting to make long skinny rolls from rice paper. Some were fat and some were just wrong looking but they all tasted great in the end. We enjoyed a great meal and we all retired to bed early. Steph and I were buggered! I slept like a log until I had a loo run at some godly hour. This involved going down stairs, find the lock on the door and go out side. It really involved me bashing my head on the beams upstairs, fumbling with a lock, scaring myself outside and tripping up the stairs on the way back! Amazingly enough not waking anyone in the process.
The next morning after a good feed of pancakes, lime, sugar and banana we set off for day two of our trek. Up, down, up, down, up and up was the main theme of the day. Yet again we had adopted another set of tribal "friends" who helped us up and down the terrain. Well, they helped Steph mainly but I think it was more of a hindrance than anything. She seemed to fall over more than stay up right but I never had my camera at the ready. I wish I did when she fell arse up in the run off of a waterfall and had her white ass in the air! Anyway, we all survived our trip and got some amazing photos and an exciting ride in a jeep up the mountain. I got away with only buying a few items of Sapa tribal gear and some new friends. Steph got a lot of stuff and some new bruises and sore muscles too. Gladly we had a soft sleeper on the way back to Hanoi....Where we arrived at 5 am in the morning. But then there was the taxi ride!

Hotel Management

If you want any tips on how to run a hotel than the Vietnamese in Hanoi have some fantastic hints
Firstly be really false and smiley to all people that come through the door. Once they book a room become a complete arse.
Have a laundry service and when you return the washing don't have actually washed it. Just fold it up in the vain hope that a stupid backpacker doesn't notice. If they do pretend you don't understand English and say "Very clean...very clean" like it's the only thing you've known how to say since birth.
When your customers book a room for two days time, after returning from a trip, give it away to someone else than blatantly lie that they actually didn't book anything. All whilst being completely rude and insulate.
Palm these said people off to a rat infested puss pit at some late hour then get them ripped off on a trip.
When someone checks out of said puss pit and books a room with you....Give it away to someone else less than 5 minutes later.
OR the jack pot is... after your lovely and very friendly customer has re booked with you for two extra nights, after a return from another trip, and has stayed one night...Tell them at 1 pm in the afternoon (after the first evening) that the hotel is fully booked and they have to go to another hotel...same price but ages away. Then get one of your fuckhead staff to call, pretend to be the manager and tell them they have 2 minutes to leave the building and hang up.
When one very angry customer appears at reception demanding to talk to "The Manager" pretend the this person is completely deranged and a manic and say "that wasn't the manager that was some idiot staff member...but we wont tell you who it was and we don't know why you are so upset??" then make them feel like an idiot by saying..."no you can stay that's all cool"

This is what Steph and I had to endure...4 hotels in as many days and ALL arseholes!

So for a very successful business, I recommend that you buy a book of Vietnamese Guesthouse practises and management skills.
You'll be amazed at the results....

Thank god I go to Laos tomorrow...

The ledgend of Ha Long Bay

When the Vietnamese settled in Vietnam, they found it difficult to hold off attacks from other countries. They were not strong enough. So the people asked the Drangon family for their help and protection. When the Drangon family decended to the earth they fired from their mouths diamonds and pearls. This caused the attacking countries to retreat. As the diamonds and pearls hit the ocean they became these great rock formations that are now the krasts. Thses Krasts still protect the mainland from attack. It's also said that the beaches were made from the happy splashes of the mother dragon's tail.

Ha Long Bay

After all the excitement of two on a moto in suicidal traffic, taking Ken to the hospital and saying good bye to a roomie, Steph and I thought we'd head to the peaceful Ha Long Bay. It started with an early morning rise to pack. Hopefully the washing i sent back, that wasn't actually washed, would be ready??
After many unhappy phone calls, washing was packed, breakfast was scoffed and we were piled into a people mover and we were off. So we thought. We collected a few more of our group and were transfered to a bigger bus. This consisted of all 9 us being dragged agross a 6 lane freeway, in peak our traffic. As previously explained, this isn't really a concern. Just go, go, go and they will go around. Reassuring Steph of this is a bit harder and I always have to hold her hand and pull.
All good and now on a bigger bus, we head off on a 3 hour trip to get the boat in Ha Long City. Steph and I sat at the back of the bus...Bad mistake. We think our boobs are now 3 inches lower because we bounced around the back so much we spent majority of the trip air borne.
Finally, after a tissue tearing trip, we arrived at the dock and waited and waited and yet again waited for the captain to arrive with his Junk. In typical Vietnamese fashion he casually showed up and we were allowed to board the boat. There was a good group of us who were all spending the night on the junk. A family from Holland, a couple from China, another couple from Holland and Us! We started the trip by eating a fantastic lunch cruising in to Ha Long Bay and that is how we spent the remainder of the trip...eating! and cruising!
That afternoon I convinced Steph to face her fear and jump, from the roof of the boat, into open deep water. She did twice but yet again holding my hand.
I however forgot to mention, that only minutes before, we spoted a rather big and scary looking Jelly Fish. So I guess we both faced a fear!
We also looked around the Amazing Cave...and yes it was amazing!
They had filled it with lights of blue, red and yellow to emphasise certain rock formations that had special significance to Vitnamese people. There was one though that was bright red and looked just like a giant Penis...However, Bien our guide tried to avoid asking us what we thought that one looked like. Considering a large group of Aussies behind us screamed out "It's a Penis. A bloody big Penis" he was probably wise.
After a night staring at the amazing Krasts we were off to try our hand at kayaking. If anyone is aware, Steph and I have already sucessfully achieved sea kayaking on a previous trip to Mooloolaba. However, this involved solo kayaks and Champagne. So being together could have ended in tradgedy. Team Holland (the young couple) and team Oz were off. Zipping in and out of Krasts. Steph and I are not Olympic styled champions so we decided, and our declining stamina, we let team Holland win.
They weren't even sore the next day. We were happy to believe that the advantage of height and our lack of, was the reasoning behind this. Not that we are just unfit blobs.
It was nice that we all declined an afternoon of scampering up a mountain and took the option of a visit to the beach on Cat Ba Island. This is where we spent our second night.
The following morning...and more food...we had another early departure to meet the big boat for more swimming and Kayaking. We all declined that offer too and was happy to watch the Krasts go by and sleep until lunch...Even more food!
All before we got back on the bus (to let our boobs drop another 3 inches) back to Hanoi Capitol.

Ken and the moto knife bandit

Poor Ken...In all this I got an email from lovely Ken (Hoi An). Apparently he got a ride with a moto driver who took him to a desolate place and tried to rob him of a hundred thousand Dong. He was ment to be going to the Temple of Literature but the Moto driver took hom some where that no one else could help him and started demanding cash. When Ken stuck up for himself and said ten thousand the crazy moto man got out a meat clever and threatened Ken. Crazy really considering Ken was probably twice his hieght and body wieght. Anyway, Ken still stuck to his guns, very brave considering, and had a little verbal discussion with the nut. A few builders came over to see what was happening and crazy man said he had driven Ken around all day and now he was refusing to pay. By this stage Ken thought he was out numbered, threw 10 thousand down in the basket and took the bolt.....Only to fall arse over and scrape the beejusus out of his leg....I met up with him a few days later and by this stage his injuries were starting to bubble and look a bit hideous...So, I yet again had another visit to the hospital. I'm so gald that I'm never the reason I have these mad dashes to the hospital.
We love Hanoi it's so NICE

Around Hanoi City with China

Steph arrived to two sleeping bodies. Finally Shaun and I rose to meet the new member of room 403. They were doing a room mate swap. So, out we went to find ourselves a good traditional hole in the wall style feed. I wanted to culture up Stephs visit a bit since she had very little in Bangkok.
We thought we head to our little pancake lady place but we were a little early. She did the late arvo trade and it was only just 1. We spotted a lady in a little nook just opposite and decided to try our luck with her. Good choice! We ended up with some yummy broth something with what we think was baconish style meat, rice noodles, and green bits....Oh and some local spring rolls. We devoured it all in about 3 seconds it was so good. We were as happy as pigs in Mud.
After lunch I had to return to the Laos Embassy and pick up my visa then scoot over to the Chinese embassy andn sort that out. So we found a moto driver and after a bit of convincing that two on a moto was ok, and an agreed price I took Steph on her first joint moto ride. Two big bums on a seat an one skinny moto driver!
Right finally, after some lost in translation moments, we made it clear that it was the Laos Embassy we wanted. Off we went in to some heavy traffic, winding in and out and straight in to on comming traffic. I'll hand it to Steph, she was cool clam and collected. We laughed so much in the face of danger it made our moto drive laugh too. People were staring at this sight. Two Westies on a bike!!! We got to the Embassy unscathed and moto man waited for me to do my business. I think more out of confusion than anything. After more hand signals and some help from Laos Embassy man we made it clear our next destination was the Chinese Embassy. After saying China, China, China very animated and several times, we decided moto man is now called China.
We got to the Chinese Embassy and it was closed!! Typical really. Sums up SE Asia to a T. Closed and hard to know when it opens again.
Eventually we made it back to our hotel but not before we came head on with a bus, the wrong way down one way streets and straight across busy roads.

Night out in Hanoi City

Shaun and my room mate situation was going great until the night befor he left. You see, when you share a room you can't get out of an invite. Everyone was heading out to celebrate or commiserate the parting of company. I had no excuse not to don some decent clothes and go with them. Even though the night was getting on and i wanted to be fresh for when Steph arrived, no one would take no for an answer. So off i went. We got to Crazy Monkey and I was in the right mood for a good old shimmy. So I bopped away until I was being dragged to yet another night club. Under protest of course. I was going to go home at this piont but was pushed in to a taxi with 6 others.(A taxi the size of a Dihatsu Mira) We got to an over lit Vietnamese night club, with what I would consider a little too much security. There was practically a full body search at the door and all cameras were forbidden inside.
Inside all the male staff were wearing these bright orange workmen overalls that did nothing for their figures or skin tone! The dance floor was full of very drugged up Vietnamese people gigging around to not so lovely music. Shaun and I decide to hit the dance floor anyway and some locals decided to hit eachother. Shaun and I were on the outside of a drugged up local scrum and the dance floor cleared in 30 seconds. Some tall, older and "very HAppy" man put his hands around my head to protect me from any flying bottles. All the time Shaun and I were more courious than anything and i never once felt threatened. Any way there was practically the whole of the Vietnams security force there to break it up. After the excietment we returned for a little shimmy till the placed closed at 2:30...TWO THIRTY!!!
So much for my early night! We headed back home, after a some upset of a missing camera...not mine, some poor lads, where Shaun and I proceeded to talk till 6:30 in the morning....So much for feeling fresh for Steph...I had to get up at 7:30 to get to the Laos Embassy to do my visa! Luckly it didn't take too long. I had to go back in the arvo to pick my passport up, so i got to have a little nap....

The Night Bus!

You would think I would learn! Who ever thinks that maybe, just maybe the night bus might end up being an enjoyable experience?
Me. I think two things. Maybe it wont be as bad as I think and it's a free night without having to pay for accomodation.
Wrong. Always wrong!
The bus was late. 2 hours late.
I met up with a group of Irish boys and at first we all thought this was funny. Until we thought that maybe they had forgot us. I marched off down to the booking office to see what had happened. When I got to the door and asked what was going on she just laughed. This woman just laughed at me like she knew exactly what i was going to ask. She said 5 minutes...which means at least half an hour.
Finally, the bus arrived and we hopped on to a full, well, crowded bus!
The air con was struggling with the amount of body heat and I had to sit in a seat with some kind of generator between my feet.
My saving grace was Shaun. One of the Irish Lads. He has a great sense of humour and put up with my babble. We talk most of the evening away, joking and having a bit of a laugh at our sitution. This helped us feel like it was passing the time away but everytime I looked at my watch....it was draging on..It felt like we were stuck in a tardas.
We pretty much stopped after we started and had a dinner break. We picked up two more passengers...We only had one seat! Some Vietnamese chick had to sleep on the floor, but I tell you she had the good end of the stick.
Finally, we were off again and only to stop in dust bowl to pee. This was not an option for me! I've had enough embarrassing pee stops to do me for a while. Back on the bus and my feet swelled up to two times their natural size. I felt like they were my Grandmothers ankles not mine. And it was painful.
Shaun however had taken a dose of Valium and was snoozing nicely on my shoulder most of the trip. Glad he didn't dribble on me or snore like most of my previous travel companions.
After a very hot sweaty and uncomfortable trip we finally arrived in some backwaters of Hanoi to be packed in to a cab to try and find accommodation. This was a debarcle. We got passed around like a baby at a Christening from owner to onwer. Taken to the wrong hotel and driven all around the Old Quater.
Finally Shaun and I decided to go to the orginal hotel that gave us the first flyer. The others eventually followed and Shaun and I bunked up together to share a room.....
We were in desperate need of a shower. We smelt like we were refugees that stowed away on bus with all sorts of animals and food goods. Or sardines in the hot sun. I was amazed that Shuan and I decided to share a room since we had been sandwhiched together for the past 15 hours. You share a special bond with someone you can sit harmoniously together with, sharing sweat and body parts,without any pre romantic interlude.
After we regained our humanity by showering, we set off for a walk around town, and sweated our arse off again!! We walk around the lake and fended off the usual Hawkers. Stopping at a great little hole in the wall for a bite to eat. This little place would concern the Health and Safety Department of most western countries but we were more than happy to experiment and put our bowels and health at risk.
We had the most amazing meal that was made up of a crispy thin pancake thing full of bean sprouts and meat, rice paper and lots of green lettuce stuff and herbs. Shaun and I sat there like Idiots trying to decide what it is exactly one does with this fan fair. I was spying on a man when the girl noticed our dumb founded looks. She promptly came over, took the rice paper, plopped some green on top, put some of the pancake on top of that and then rolled. Finishing with a dip in the sauce. Simple really!!
Yeah, we felt like the dumb tourists but we tried to go back every day since. The food was fantastic and a full belly for only a buck!
The night ended with me passing out at some grandma hour, whilst Shaun tarted it up in Hanoi.

Hue

I had to move on to Hue before catching up with Steph in Hanoi.
It was one day in Hue and I decided to see the sights on the back of a moto with Nam. A well mannered shy little Viet who promised to take care of me. I had seen two moto accidents (one fatal) in 2 hours and I was starting to worry.
We zoomed around and went to look at Bunker Hill which had old bunkers left over from the American soldiers. Tombs of the late king and his father. These were absolutely stunning buildings which took up acers of land. I believe the king was burried in 1842. I hope when I die I am intombed in an elaborate building like this!
We scootered past the Perfume River and watch ladies making traditional hats. Before lunch we stopped at a Pagoda where the monks do a traditional ceremony that thanks Buddha for the food that they eat. At the beginning of lunch they pray thanks to Buddha and chant beautiful charms. They raise their lunch and do a litle teas ceremony as well. It was really lovely buit i felt a little voyeuristic.
Then we zoomed around small back lanes through villages and past little homes along the river. Fianally ending up at the Citadel. This is a spectaular place!! I was awed. I think I walk around with my mouth open for the whole time I was there. You can really see how the Chinese has influenced the Vietnamese architecture. The Citadel is full of half restored or old buildings that are just amazing and beautiful. The Formality of this place is mezmorising.
Back on the bike we visited many other Pagodas then finished the day off by whizzing past the rice fields in the country side. Well not quiet...the bike broke down....just after we were discussing that Nam wanted a new bike...And there we sat on the side of the road till his brother collected me and he went off to the mechanic. That was my one day in Hue...

My Son

Decided to do a tour of My Son (meaning Beautiful Mountain) the anciet ruins in Hoi An. Khmer period buildings that were highly bombed during the war. We took a trip with An Phu travel, which are the guys we booked our open bus ticket with.(Ticket that gets you north to south or visa versa)
This was not a bright Idea. To start off with An Phu was running late. Finally they arrived and we were thrown on to our Air conditioned bus..Yeah right! When we arrived at our destination we handed over the entrance fee and sat waiting at a restaurant. Eventually our guide arrived with the tickets and we headed to the entrance gate. I need to use the Loo and this caused some upset. I was asked to wait firstly and when I said I couldn't I was allowed to go. Like a school kid. When I returned from the loo Ken had already passed through the gate sand I was left on the outside. There seemed to have been a little confusion and some talk from the guide to the security man and back. I was still standing on the wrong side. Apparently what happened was some one took the few tickets of those on the wrong side of the fence. These guys didn't belong to our tour. Finally, like a prisoner looking out to freedom, I was released. I was allowed to enter and join my friend in the cool group.
When we were ferried up in buses we had to wait for our guide to arrive and he said that we could run off on our own or go with him....We only had 45 minutes left to explore, so Ken and I broke loose and went on our own.
the relics were beautiful, even though they were small scale compared to Angkor. I could see why they were proud.
When we reached the bus we all piled back on and off we went. Some of us were going back by boat and some by bus. I had the privilege of going back by boat, where as Ken had a bus to catch and was heading back on the bus. Cutting it fine though might I add. We stopped in the middle of a bridge and those of us going bu\y boat jumped off and headed underneath the bridge. This is where Ken and I parted company...:(
The boat was waiting for us and I realized that there was no pier. We had to stand on a chair and lift/pull ourselves on to the boat. I had to put my ankles some where near my ears to get my little legs some where close to the bow. Very unnatural and something closer to a Yoga move. The guy pulling us on to the boat at the same time almost dislocated my shoulder in the attempt. I actually would have been fine without the tugging. I felt for the 60 years plus people on the trip. There was two couples from NZ who were well into the mature years who I am sure have not had their ankles near their ears nice they were kids...If ever! But we all managed and off we went to a fishing village. This means a stop off to a handy craft factory were the company gets a commission if you buy anything. I stayed on the boat and had a nap!
Finally back at the dock. Yes we actually got one this time!. And I was home free.
Note to self...Never use An Phu again!

Hoi An

Unfortunately I had to get the night bus to Hoi An. It's a dirty word, I know but when there is no choice, there is no choice. I thought perhaps the relaxing benefit of the massage would make me comatose enough to travel through the journey unscathed. However, being in a strange and very unnatural position probably didn't benefit my massage, and certainly didn't benefit my sleep.
I arrived in Hoi An safely. Though a little sleep deprived, at the beautiful hour of 7 am and ended up bunking up with a Scotsman called Ken. The prices here are far more expensive and the budget is starting to strain under the pressure a little. It was good to have someone to share the expenses with and have some company.
We started our day by trying to find a tailor to make our new wares. Hoi An is famous for having clothes made at a bargain price. To start with we were dragged wearily to the markets. This involved looking through designer books, picking fabric and beingg measured in embarrassing places. I had to take off my pant and the lady had great pleasure in putting me on display behind a shabby curtain. Or lack there of. After she was ssatisfied she measured me enough she threw back the curtain before I had threw chance to get my pants up properly, flashing a great majority of the public. Than came the dreadied bargaining bit. We were not satisfied with her price, which was exuberant, and tried to get her to come down. When she insulted me by saying that she required a lot of fabric for "My size", it was my queue to leave. I was very glad to see the Ken and I were a united front and left together.
Eventually we found a tailor that suited both budget and self respect requirements and away we shopped! I picked a pair of jeans, some shorts (mine are all falling apart) a pair of swimmers and a big woolen Jacket. For the likes of the UK of course! And all so cheap!
When it came to the fitting bit I had the usual, too long in the crotch, too big in the waist, bla bla bla problems. But I'm sure after the 5th fitting things will be great. As for Ken, his suit fitted him like a glove and he was chuffed! Bloody typical really!!
I also had a T shirt made for a friend and after a little bit of a spelling mistake (mine and Ken's) we finally got it right...But I'm not even going there!
So all going well we toured around the historical city of Hoi An on foot and took in the sights. It's really pretty place along the river with pastel buildings and shop fronts. All very French..Well at least I assume! Really nice place to stay...If you weren't constantly being bullied by tailor's and the like. You'd all be proud of me though...I didn't buy or get made...SHOES!

A pink pig in Mud who was "walked all over"

Well I ended up in Nha Trang to soak up some sun on the beach. And soak up sun I did. I'm a little pink. Thanks to a cool breeze on a hot day. You'd think I have a little bit of Know when it comes to the sun...Especially being from Queensland..But no I admit it I'm sunburnt. So today I decided to take my self off to the Mud Spa and soak up therapeutic Mud into my sore pores.
It started with stripping down to my swimmer in front of millions. Well not quite and they were all doing the same. A quick mineral shower and off to roll in the mud. I sat in a bath a soaked in Mud. I had in on my face, my hair and places I thought I'd never have mud. Next step is to bake the mud hard in the sun until you feel like you could crack. Mission accomplished I was back under the mineral shower trying to dislodge mud from everywhere. Then it was a soak in a hot tub full of hot mineral water goodness at some ridiculous temperature. Oh I forgot. I passed through a water therapy jet spray before hitting there tub. Then after soaking till y skin was red I hit the pool. I dived in expecting a cool refreshing temp but no, it was 36 degrees. I almost lost my breath and my top. Well I did lose my top!But covered it well.
I decided to top of my day of self indulgence I'd get me a massage. So off I went and laid myself out on the massage table when in a wondered a pint sized woman. She was to be my massuse. Away we went and there is one thing I have learnt...To have no expectations. This massage was good! She whacked, pumbled and dug her little hands all over me. Then she walked on me and used her feet to dig in to places that I didn't even know were sore. After what some would call torture, I had a steam bath. This is basically a steamroom that smells of lemongrass with the temp so hot you may die. I sweated out the last of my mud from my pores had a shower and went back to my hotel for some relaxation.
It's hard work being pampered you know!

Easy-rider

Easy-riders are a group of boys, well men, who take tourist on unique tours around the country side on the back of their motorbikes.
I couldn't think of a better way to see Dalat. Nothing nicer than whizzing around, in the cold, around winding mountain roads, in the rain, on the back of a motorbike. You see that's Dads fault as he bred it in to us to become a bunch of motorbike loving thrill seekers. He still hasn't grown out of it himself.
Hung picked me up early in the morning and we went zooming through the country side stopping at waterfalls, mountain tops, silk and mushroom farms, and for a good feed on a local dish. We stopped at a restaurant somewhere in the middle of no where and I was treated to soup. What happens is that a hot plate is placed in front of you with a broth style liquid bubbling away inside. Then they bring you a plate over flowing with leafy greens and another filled with bits of meat and other cow bits. I didn't ask. Then a large bowl of rice noodles and little bowls for each person eating. So what next? Hung put the noodles into my little bowl, the meat into the broth, followed by the greens. And away it bubbled. Minutes latter I was hoeing into a yummy soup with a chilly sauce to dip into. But there was so much food I almost exploded and it's rude not to eat all that is offered to you. Like Italians they don't take no for an answer and are offended if you say it. I was really worried I was going to be so full I was going to be unable to stay upright on the back of the bike. Or breathe. To top it all off I was the only female in the place and this was causing quite a stir. There were two groups of very drunk men all competing for my attention. Each table took it in turns to send someone over to talk to me and offer me a "bottoms up" drink of beer. If someone says to you in Vietnam " bottoms Up" they mean exactly that. There's no polite sip of alcohol to make them happy and turn them away. They are insistent and it takes all ones might to get them to retreat back to their drunken mates at their table. After a few attempts I was glad that Hung told them, I have no doubt, to piss off.
Back on the bike after hefty feed and it started to rain. If you don't know. My favorite thing was to ride around on Luigi, my beloved bike, getting absolutely drenched and risking life and limb on slippery roads. So, I was a pig in mud. Literally. We ended up at "The Crazy House". It's designed by a local female architect who I'm sure had a love of Alice in Wonderland. This place is a living version of that. It's also a bed and breakfast and the rooms are all theamed and just as bazaar as each other. There's even a garden with life size spider webs and mushrooms bigger than me. Even life size Dutch dolls that you can pull apart. I was quite wonderful and thought Leesa would love it!
Well that was the end of day one. Such a success that I booked for the next. Which was all pretty much the same thing. Zooming around on the back of the motorbike, through the country side, enjoying the cold and the rain.
Ahhhh Life is so good.

Dalat

It was time to move on to cooler climates and head to Dalat. It's in the highland area of Vietnam and is host to the best fruit and vege in the country. As well as boasting some of the most beautiful flowers and coffee plantations. If you've ever had Vietnamese coffee you'd agree it's pretty good....And nuclear strong. (Dad it'd nock your socks off!)
On the way up we were pretty lucky with the weather and I had a decent bus driver who didn't try to run us off the side of the mountain. Trust me when traveling in Asia a driver who doesn't think he's a former formular one driver is a rearity.
Then we arrived in Dalat to pouring rain!! Surprise surprise.
Who's idea was it to come to Vietnam in the monsoon hey? Oh, yeah, Me!
No problem. I just jumped in to a taxi and arrive at a lovely guest house called Dreams. I actually had to put a jumper on...Can you believe it? A Jumper! It was so nice to actually be cold. To have a frozen nose and rosey cheeks from the cool air. I had forgotten what it was like and very jealous of home which was experiencing a thing called winter. Now I was about to have my two days worth. I'm so use to sweating my arse off this actually felt unnatural.
Well, enough of that falaval.
I was starving and popped up to a little restaurant to grab some local grub when I met Hung...The easy-rider....

Cao Di Temple

This beautiful temple houses a group of one of the most agnamic religious groups I have come across. They believe that all religions are important and that there is an all seeing eye that watches over us. It is in one and all. The practice mainly Buddhism, Confucius and Toasist beliefs. The colours to represent these are red, yellow and blue. Or white if you have reached a higher level of belief or are a Priestess. They pray 4 times a day. 6 am, 12 noon, 6 pm and midnight.
We had the pleasure of being able to watch the noon prayer session and it was beautiful. The temple is ornate and represents all religions that are still alive and practicing today. You can stand on the outside of the pillars as only those practicing the religion can take the inner steps. The closer you sit to the all seeing eye the higher through the religion you have come
It started with everyone taking their position to the sound of a gong. There were little old men in all colours and these little hats. They were so cute and eager to have their photo taken. We were all standing on a balcony near the musicians. The view was amazing and moving. I felt really peaceful watching everyone moving about like they were performing a dance.
The music was traditional Vietnamese which is very similar to that of the Chinese. The choirs voices echoed angelically through the temple walls and out into the grounds. It had a smoothing effect on me and I instantly came up with goose bumps. The congregation, for want of a better word, sang along to the choir and prayed and moved to the prompt of a drum.
I found peace there and could understand how this would be a religion of choice. Basically, from my interpretation, I felt that this religion believes in living together in harmony and being tolerant of each others beliefs.
Maybe we should all take time to learn their beliefs and ways?

Cu Chi Tunnels

Cu Chi tunnels are located half way between Saigon and Cambodia. During the war the Americans bombed this area heavily as they believed it was the gateway to Saigon. The area previously was a rich fertile land, that was heavily populated. The people of Cu Chi formed an army to counter attack the American army's ground and air strikes.
The Cu Chi army was made up of woman, men and children. All prepared to defend their land. Several tunnel systems, 3 layers deep, were dug over a period of time and these were used as a hiding and defense system.
They developed bombs and boobie traps out of left over shells from the American bombardment. Some of the traps they used were gruesome, and made me sick just looking at them, yet alone imagining them actually used.
When the air strikes came, or the area was attacked by ground troops, the Viet's hid in the tunnel system and attacked from hidden bunkers. Some of the entrances to these tunnels were well hidden and the hole so small I couldn't get my arse in them. I consoled myself that these people were starving, in a war and made much smaller than me! I could however get in to the main entrances. We decide to give it a go and go through one of the tunnel systems for about 200 meters. When it came to my turn I started to make my way down the stairs and bend to get into the hole but came over with a panic attack. I shot out of there, pushing people aside, so fast I think there was smoke from behind!
There was even tears my friend. Tears!!
Boy, I really am turning in to my Dad. Am I becoming claustrophobic?
I was really disappointed with myself. Normally I'm the one who'd do anything but this was one thing I just couldn't do. It made me feel better when Paul said that no one needs to go in there!
Oh well. Maybe he's right.......

Saigon

Saigon is a place of noise, movement and lights. It's a city that never sleeps and the noise it creates is deafening. To cross a road is like walking in to mayhem and to take a taxi bike is putting your life in to the hands of the Devil.
I wonder how things work here? Apparently quite well. The traffic whirls around and whizzes past. People are up at dawn and awake until late. I wonder who sleeps. Street vendor's never rest and taxi drivers always yelling as you walk past. With all this you would think it was unbearable but I found the city to be mesmerising.
In the Lonely Planet it says it's one of the most dangerous cities, crime and pick pocketing rife. Maybe I'm getting braver or oblivious to my surroundings but I always felt safe. I wondered the streets many times to sight see and all I came across was niceness and happy faces. Maybe I was never in the wrong place.
I visited the War Remnants Museum and I was so appalled and disgusted with war and the treatment of people, as a race, I was almost sick. The photos that stuck in my mind the most and distressed me very much are those of American soldiers and the treatment of the Vietnamese.
One was an American soldier holding up the bombed remains of a Vietnamese soldier, his torso twisted and limbless, And he was smiling.
Or of a village of babies and there mothers piled up on a road side, full of bullets, as they tried to escape. The Americans killed a village of civilian's on orders that all must die in the way of the war.
Most of all there was a photo of a young boy, maybe 8, laying on top of his baby brother, as to protect him from gun fire. Both boys had been, as said by the journalist "finished off by the GI's". They had bullets to the head.
It makes me wonder if we are Man or Animal. And what is going through a governments head when they give orders to kill all in the way of war. The men who carry out these orders signed their own death wish when they pulled the trigger. Because how could you live with yourself after you Murdered an innocent child and it's family?

The Floating Market

This floating market is so different to the market in Thailand. In Thailand there are small wooden boats selling a few fruits, vege and nick-nacks catering mainly for the tourists these days. In Vietnam there a large wooden boats, with eyes painted on the bow in red and yellow, selling an assortment of fruit and vege. These guys are the middle man, who purchase straight from the farmer, and sell to the local people from the Mekong. Apparently it cheaper to sell off the river than it is from the land. At the bow of the "ship" they have a bamboo stick which displays the fruit and vege they are selling to the public. It's quite amazing to see boats up to 10 deep with pumpkins or lettuce strapped to a bamboo stick meters in the air. As usual you have the little long boats zooming past selling all kinds of soups, drinks and fan-fair. All that goes on is so colorful, it sometimes makes me sad that we don't have this kind of organised chaos back home. Our little markets are nothing compared to the awesome sights of a floating market. Oh well, we have other things that no one else does so that will keep me happy.
After the markets we putted down the river to see how rice noodles are made, to a rice factory, a fish farm in a bomb crater and a walk over a monkey bridge. A Monkey bridge?? Well it's a feat of engineering genius really. There a pieces of bamboo strapped together, usually two thick and bent over a river. Sometimes you have hand rails and sometimes you don't....We did luckily. There was no way I was going to end up in the drink. Especially after I'd see those little bums doing a hard days work. So to speak. So over I went and survived. I was so glad that I didn't fall in cause I was with a group of about 20 and I would have died!!!
Back on a bus and we headed to Saigon.

Home stay

It took a little argument for the guide to realize I was meant to be staying at a home stay and having lunch with them....Finally my host Houng arrived to pick me up and all aboard a Cyclo. We were off. Only a few minutes away from his boat and down came the monsoonal rain in full pelt. We were lucky that a shop owner felt pity on the poor tourist and let us take cover in his shop until our Cyclo driver put the covers on. The rain settled enough to get us to Houngs boat. I was a little taken aback when I realized my prize possessions and myself were going to be chauffeured to the house in a little wooden boat with no roof. In the RAIN!! I'm not so worried for me. I'm water proff but my stuff and My Ipod....eeeek. Luck had it that Houng had a mighty fine tarp to cover up me and my bags...Which at this stage have increased and doubled. Thank goodness, because shortly in to our trip down the Mekong it rained like never before. And that's the way it stayed all afternoon. So much for cruising the local village and meeting the people. I was stuck in a house with a TV so loud you probably could have heard it, listening to cartoons in Vietnamese. Then the kids woke up from their nap and it was all on for young and old.
One amazing little fellow came over from next door to talk at me in Vietnamese and did the most strangest and theatrical things I have ever seen. I can't really explain it but he was kinda like a cross between trippitake from Monkey magic, Superman and a Drag Queen. This is definitely someone I'd love top meet in 10 years time. After he Flew off in to the future the kids of the house came alive. They tried to kill me. Seriously. They jumped on me on the bed, sat on my head with a pillow on it, tickled me till I couldn't breathe, then kicked the living shit out of me. I was saved by a very quietly spoken, young tour guide who felt pity on me.
Other people arrived and saved me from child abuse and I was able to have adult conversation. In english too.
I met a Danish couple, who had to adopted kids from South America, and we got on well until.....She said that her daughter wanted to become a hairdresser and she would consider that a failure as a mother. Because all hairdressers are small town gossips with no brains. It's a last resort job and she doesn't believe her child is that dumb. Oh also it's bad on the body and posture. Which is the only thing I agree with. Then she asked me what I did and I said......HAIRDRESSER. I think I even blushed with what she thought was embarrassment but it was more like a flush of anger! Oh well.....There really is nothing to say to that...
The next morning, after sleeping on a mat on the floor, We woke early again to the floating market.

Home Stay on The Mekong Delta

Up early again and I'm off on a two day, one night adventure in to the Mekong Delta. The first day we spent exploring the sights and workings of the local Chau Doc fishing Village and Cham Muslim Community. Yet again I had the pleasure of being dressed up in very unflattering local dress. Basically covered from head to toe in bellowing material. Very Unflattering, really bloody ugly!
The fish farm is under the floor of a floating house and the fish are fed on a very smelly rice meal made there are then... Lucky woman who fell in live with a fish farmer! The smell almost made me sick and I wonder how anyone could live there. But each to their own.
At the Cham Village I got to sit and watch the kids learn the local traditions, language and scripture from the Karan. These little bodies all sitting there, wrapped tight in the scalfs and layers of clothing, boys on one side, girls to the other. They were more curious about me than the teacher and it made for a hard day of teaching.
On a bus and we were off to Can Tho. Another Mekong Delta town, where I would go to meet my homestay family. Along the way we passed lush green rice fields and conical shaped hats of the women working that are so typical of Vietnam. It's the start of the wet season and boy did it rain. Sharp, hard, heavy rains that saturated the grounds and anyone brave enough to be outside.
Stopping off at a incense factory I watched a lady roll bamboo sticks into a paste of sandalwood and sawdust. In a day, one lady can make up to 50 thousands sticks. The smell was amazing and reminded me so much of my brother Daniel, it made me homesick.
Sleeping away the trip on the bus was easy as the rain pelted down against the window and I think finally I'm catching up on my lost sleep!!
The Kids in the car were all from Vietnam and the long trip was starting to make the natives restless. So naturally the boys ganged up on the girls and started the usual game of..." I've got something of yours and I'm not giving it back"..NAnanannanaaa!!!
What the boys didn't realize was that the girls had one advantage...Me!!
I was sitting behind them. Much stronger and bigger than them I was able to wrestle them much easier than the two wee girls.
So the games began.....Well, until the adults to us to behave and then the questions came....Age, Rank, Relationship, family.......Lalalalalallalaaaaaaaaa...
Finally we arrived in Can Tho and I was picked up by Houng...My homestay Dad....

Chau Doc

Chau Doc is a little place that is surrounded by fishing villages that float on the Mekong. Houses have fish farms that are underneath the floating floor, constantly swishing underneath. The village woman are boat taxi drivers, paddling people up and down the river with long oars in little wooden boats. A Cham Muslim Community lives happily in their traditional ways. Teaching kids the language and Muslim scripture.
The markets are buzzing with people who are intrigued to see Westerners and offer us local delicacies. We sampled all sorts of foods that were both amazing and disgusting alike. The markets were buzzing along with motorbike and cyclists as well as foot traffic. Sometimes there was barely enough room to walk, yet alone squeeze motorbike laden with produce through. It still amazes me how things just seem to work here in Asia. People are so peaceful amongst the chaos and the erratic movement of everything has a strange organization.
To cross a street in to a maze of peak hour traffic would be suicidal in Australia. Here you just simply walk on to the road, with traffic passing all around, and they simply go around you. Sometimes I hold my breath as I feel the rush of air from the cars, Bicycles and Cyclos and wonder how the hell I wasn't killed.
I sat in a gutter with some people I met on the boat, names I don't even remember, and we ate Rambutans and watched the buzz go by. Children sat and pointed at us and our strange piercings and tattoos. We communicated by hand gestures and laughed at our translations of them. It's funny how people who do not speak each others language can simply be happy to sit and stare. There's some comfort in strageness of this gesture.

Good Morning Vietnam

After practically a week of no sleep at monkey and another trip back to Phanom Phen I was up early to catch the bus, to catch the boat to Vietnam.
I was comatose in the bus when the nice little Khmer man had to shake me awake. He bundled me and my now very expanding back pack, on to the back of a bicycle and I was wheeled off through a market and off down some side streets.
If I had any sanity and was remotely awake I may have wondered or been slightly concerned for my safety. But alas I was finding it too hard just to keep my eyes open. If I was being kidnapped than at least I could lay in a dark space and get some sleep.
All was okay though. I was being led to the boat that was taking us down the Mekong to the Cambodia Vietnam border.
scaling down the side of a hill like a mountain goat I reached the boat, limbs in tact, and proceeded to sleep again. Only to be interrupted again by some guy,who I couldn't understand, explaining what was to happen re passports, immigration,bla bla bla... Yeah yeah. Sort that out when I get there.
Sleep Sleep Sleep.
We arrived at the No mans land border control and all things were simple. Stamp, check, stamp, check.. The only thing that concerned me was every time someone looked at my passport they double checked and then confirmed with someone it was me..See the down side of being a hairdresser. I'm blonde in my photo and this always causes some kind of concern.
no problem. Now we are off to quarantine. We had to pay a quarantine fee to say we were healthy and could enter the country. The amusing thing is that the man issuing the stamps and receipts didn't even look up when he did so. Lucky cause overnight I had developed a second head and may not have been able to enter the country!! Unbelievable really!!
The boat trip down the river was beautiful and I appreciated seeing the life of the local people from a serene atmosphere. Watching people as they went along their daily routine, listening to the swishing sounds of the water and the roar of the boat engine. It all made me appreciate where I was and the reasons why. Even if I had the privilege to see little bottoms sticking out of the reeds doing their daily business. It made me laugh.
7 hours later we arrived in Chau Doc......

My Monkey Stay

Well this is what I wrote in the Guest book at Monkey Republic..
I'm a bit proud of it, if I do say so myself. So I wanted to share it with you

MY MONKEY STAY

Off the bus I ran in to lee,
A little green flyer he handed to me.
To be polite I handed it back,
Apparently a gesture that had no tact.

On the moto I saw the error of my way,
so at monkey I decided to stay.
As a happy Monkey family,
Everyone gladly excepted me.
All it took was some make up for drag,
and the loan of a pretty pink bag.

I thought I'd stay only a few days,
but stuck in the Monkey vortex there was no way.
So at the bar I became a permanent fixture,
And drank lots of alcohol of many a mixture.

To all the Staff, you are the perfect host,
But Scott and Lee I do lone the most.
You made me laugh, usually in defense of me,
Now How many digs about a flyer can there be?

Thanks to the gang of "the Slutty Sevens",
you were a god send from the heavens.
And thanks to all that took on a persona of fruit,
"The Munch Bunch" we called ourselves when we were full to the boot.

To anyone I did miss, you know who you are,
You were usually there with me at the bar.
You have all made my stay in Sihnooki great,
You are all the people I am glad to call MATE